Hey blogger,
This morning I'm writing this post on my phone. I'm getting a bit tired of my nightly nightmares about my ex and her new flame. I have also shamefully developed a bit of a hatred for the nation of Kenya because that's where she disappeared to. It's immature and unfair, and I feel like I'm missing out on learning about a nation with a colorful history of colonialism under the then-wicked hand of the English empire. There was a period where my curiosity about African history drove me to learn about the pre second reich continent of Africa, before the Belgian convention that separated Africa into over 40 states. And during European colonialism when extremely intelligent Africans, such as Kwame Nkrumah, were brave and created great changes for the continent. It makes me aware of the potentially great and intelligent people my ex had encountered, and continue to encounter, in Kenya. And how her current boyfriend may very well be in their ranks of intelligence. It was easy for her to decide to leave me...
Ugh.
I'm ashamed to say, but my heart now doesn't want to deal with Kenya anymore. For now my own curiosity of African history has died. It makes me such a fool, but I feel so sore and bitter from losing my love to Africa. I'll never have her again and I'm very sad about it.
I hope to pick up the pieces soon and regain my curiosity of that wonderful continent again. But I don't know how to not associate my loss with that nation. I miss her so much.
But it needs to stop, because she doesn't miss me. Not even remotely, and not in the way that I wish she missed me.
I need to stop staring at my phone hoping she'll message me. Enough time has past for me to know that it's over forever.
Forever.
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