Another post

I wonder if it's ok for me to still love her even though I know she won't come back and she's happy with someone else.

I remember an argument we had where she typo'd "me being happy has to do with not talking to you" I got so upset about that that I told her that she had a talent for make me go from missing her to being miserable or upset. Despite her correcting herself, the cat was out of the bag because I already said that mean thing. I don't want to regret, but this is my only outlet to say that I miss her, I miss her smiling for me, I miss her warm gaze, I miss her blue eyes, and her hugs were so perfect. I wish we didn't have the distance and I wish we didn't fight so much. I wish she knew that I didn't love anyone more than her, that she was all I wanted.

I love her now, but it's wasted because she doesn't want it.

I've decided to read Dharma Punx again by Noah Levine. It talks about his growth in California and his journey to find himself. I really enjoyed reading it because it was an enlightening experience. I'm also interested in the concept of letting go in dharma, to gain an understanding of impermanence.

I feel like such an unhealthy creep, despite everything I want to hug her one last time. I should have tried harder, maybe she wouldn't have left.

She was supposed to come back today. Maybe that's why I feel this way this morning.

I also had a dream about her being pregnant by someone else.

I'm just making emotional vomit at this point. Have a great day blogger.