Inner strength

Good evening blogger,

I'm honestly not sure how long this post will be. I feel a bit inspired to write something but I'm at work, so the length of this post is a complete mystery to me. I hope it's only a paragraph.

Lately I've spent the past few days talking to a good friend of mine from the past. I'm not sure if she would be ok with me sharing her name, so I opt to omit. As a good friend of both Harrison and myself, I felt comfortable talking to her about some of the troubled thoughts I have been enduring. She, too, has gone through her fair share of heart break, and I always appreciate a woman's input: I respect a man's opinion, but the man box unfortunately make it a chore to get a real answer out of a guy when it comes to his feelings about certain things. And when it comes to this subject, I rather have the best and most honest answers. Because honestly, I'm tired of guys saying to just fuck someone to feel better.

I don't think you get it. Sure, I can go and have sex with a random woman, share her warmth and, for a moment, forget everything that I felt I've lost with my ex. But that isn't me. As a man I notice that we thrive on temporary fixes rather than finding a wholesome answer to our troubles. Just as our brief orgasms, we try to be content with temporary fixes: anything else is either too much effort or not many.

As for myself, I want a wholesome answer. As strange as it may sound, I don't blame my ex for leaving me (at least not anymore). At a certain point in my life I got mixed up with a crowd of people whom I allowed to influence me in a very negative way. Amongst many other vices, I wasn't the best boyfriend material.

The problem is I couldn't get past blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship. And so I sought answers and ended up speaking with my friend.

I'd have to say, of all people I've had a chance to speak with, I've never spoken to someone who was more patient, responsive, and seemed genuinely caring. She really responded to what I had to say, and I didn't feel like she was pulling my leg when she suggested that maybe I was blaming myself for too much.