The Devil

I was the soul mate. Her intuition told her that I was the one, but her intuition also told her not to trust me. I wasn't a good listener, I didn't share how concerned I was about her. She was faced with a reality that I was not her soul mate, the one she had been waiting for. In her despair God, whatever it is, rescued her. Gave her someone that she could count on. Someone who could show her the love she deserves from the first glance, like she always wanted.

She fell in love with him, she glowed and beamed in his presence, and he appreciated the loving smile she gave him add a reward for his efforts.

Everything was easy, everything was natural. Finally, she found someone who she could fully trust with her heart and soul. She finally found the bow to her arrow. Someone who would cushion her falls and give her the strength to be a mighty force that could pierce it's target with absolute accuracy.

As I sit in this bar, arms resting on a hard wood table, hunched over on the table, I thought that God rescued her and abandoned me because of all of my misdeeds.

Thinking carefully and deeply, tormenting myself with the moments that I made her sad and cry and do nothing about it, became the source of her nightmares and the source of countless moments of her despair as she held on with all of her life the love she felt for me, I felt a deep realization that I can only describe with a few simple words:

God rescued her from me, and I was the devil.

I've felt sad for what feels like an eternity, and in my heart I'll never forget 3/17/2014, the day I realized that I was the devil.

As the devil I deserve to feel despaired and lost. It feels so natural that I can easily hide my pain with a big smile, now I'm useful to society again.

I'm just gonna keep drinking.